In today’s wonderful story, we find out about how Tim grew legs.

Long before the trees and water, before the dinosaurs who played basketball, even before Earth itself, there was nothing, except fish. Space fish. These fish swam freely in the nothingness that existed before everything, and they were alone. Or so they thought.One of these fish was named Tim. Tim was a very curious fishie, and he liked to explore the far reaches of space. On one such exploration, Tim found a shiny object. He was puzzled by this object, because it didn’t look like a fish, and he had only seen fish his entire life. In fact, no fish had ever seen any non-fish object in the history of space fish. Being a curious fishie, Tim touched the shiny thing with his fin, and out popped a genie.

“You have summoned the great Wobin Rilliams, magical genie of the fish-space-topia. I shall grant you three wishes,” said Wobin.

Tim thought for a bit and said, “I wish for a thousand wishes.”

Wobin slapped Tim across his fish-face and said, “Don’t be a douche. Haven’t you heard any genie stories? I kind of assumed that everybody knew not to wish for more wishes by now. What is your first wish?”

Tim stared at Wobin’s feet. “I wish for feet like those,” Tim said as he pointed toward the genie’s feet. Unfortunately, Wobin took the wish quite literally and gave Tim feet the exact same size as his own, which were a lot larger than the tiny fish. Tim walked back to his school (school of fish, not the place you learn) to show off his gigantic feet. Tim’s friends made fun of his oversized feet, commenting on how he tripped over them, and saying he should become a clownfish.

“I’ll show you!” Tim shouted as he walked back to the shiny object and touched it.

“You have summoned the great Wobin -”

“Yeah, I know,” Tim cut Wobin off, “I’ve come to use my two other wishes. I wish I didn’t have these stupid feet.”

The feet disappeared in a cloud of smoke. “And your final wish?” asked Wobin.

“I wish for all fish to blow up.” Tim and all other fish exploded in a huge ball of fire and brimstone.

Scientists have documented this enormous explosion as the event that created the stars, planets, and ultimately humanity as we know it. We call it the Big Bang.

Join me next week for the epic tale of the man who ate too many peanuts. Same bat time, same bat channel.