In today’s Tuesdays with Flannel, I will tell you about Jeremy Tooter.

There was an average guy who lived in an average suburb. He was known to the people who lived in his neighborhood as “Walnut Willie”, which was weird because his name was Jeremy Tooter. He was never made fun of because of his silly last name because nobody actually knew his last name - they all knew him as Walnut Willie. How he got the strange nickname is an entirely different story, and you probably don’t want to hear about it.

Jeremy Tooter always thought the nickname was strange - he didn’t like walnuts at all. In fact, he was allergic to walnuts. His true love was peanuts. His father inherited a peanut farm from his grandpa, so Jeremy ate peanuts his whole life. He had peanut soup, peanut butter, peanut brittle, salted peanuts, and many other peanutty food-stuffs. He actually worked for a guy named Peanuts, but that’s another different story, I won’t bore you with it here.

Jeremy was walking down the street with a jar of Planters peanuts (his favorite). He saw a guy who was bent over a water faucet outside of a house. They exchanged greetings and Jeremy asked the guy, whose name was Mark, what the problem was with his faucet. The faucet was stuck in the ‘on’ position. Jeremy suggested to turn the water off inside the house, Mark did it, and it worked. Mark was grateful for Jeremy’s help so he invited Jeremy in the house for some beer, and Jeremy happily accepted. Jeremy followed Mark into the kitchen and caught a glimpse of three fifty-five gallon drums filled with peanuts in his kitchen. Why Mark had those peanuts is a different story, so I won’t waste your time with it.

Jeremy and Mark sat for hours watching TV and eating those peanuts. After they ate every last peanut in those three barrels, something very curious happened.

If you think they turned into peanuts, then you’re wrong. You can’t turn into a peanut from eating lots of peanuts. Jeremy did eventually turn into a peanut for different reasons, but I won’t bore you with that one.