Good afternoon ladies and gents, boys and girls. Time for another long awaited episode of Tuesdays with Flannel! The last few have been reruns but this one is hot off the presses. This time we’ll be sharing the story of Kevin Bacon.

Kevin Bacon is a man who lives on the streets of New York, as he has been for the last 17 years. He has too much dignity to beg passers-by for food, so he helps serve food at the local homeless shelter in exchange for a reserved room at night, free soup, and a small wage. In his free time he loves to crochet blankets for use in the shelter. Almost everybody who knows him call him Jolly Kay.

Kevin’s situation was caused by a horrible string of bad luck. It all started when he was 19, his parents were involved in a plane accident. He was old enough to survive on his own, according to courts, but he did not have the education to work, nor the source of income to pay for schooling. Halfway decent at poker, he figured he could make his living playing cards. That dream ended, as similar ones do, with Kevin owing lots of money to some shady people. Fortunately he was able to kick the habit and pay back his debt, but he lost his inheritance in the process.

The most recent example of horrible luck in Kevin’s life came when someone of importance learned of an interesting trait of his. He is one of few people who are separated by more than six degrees from the actor Kevin Bacon (nine to be exact), and the only such person to share the same name. One of Kevin’s friends from the New York shelter knew this and tipped off Jed Baker, a writer for Seattle Press. Jed called Kevin at the shelter and offered $5,000 for an interview, and he happily agreed.

“If I can get a few stories like this, I can possibly turn my life around! Buy a suit or two, and finally find a decent job.” Kevin was absolutely giddy at the thought. The day of the interview came around, they met in one of the local Starbucks. Jed Shook Kevin’s hand and said, “Oh no, do you know what this means?” A chill ran down Kevin’s spine. Jed was separated from Kevin Bacon (the actor) by only four degrees. This effectively set Kevin’s bacon number to a paltry five. Jed offered to pay for Kevin’s Orange Mocha Frappuccino but was unable to pay him the $5,000 prize for the interview with such an unimpressive bacon number.

The story of Kevin Bacon is currently being filmed for a Lifetime movie. The part of Kevin is being played by Casey Affleck who was in Ocean’s Eleven with Brad Pitt, who was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon.

Kevin purchased a nice pair of Reebok tennis shoes with the movie royalties.

Nothing really bothered me this week, at least not enough to rant about. I got a bunch of neat things for my birthday - a bonsai tree and a bunch of really cool pictures for my walls.

Saw Superbad, it’s super good. Saw War, it’s super bad. Went to Cedar Point, my face is super sunburned. That’s my week in a nutshell. I’m gonna stop now so this doesn’t sound like every other dumb blog. Too late, I guess.

I’ll have another Tuesdays with Flannel up some time this week for those who enjoy them.

Some fun stuff happened to me in the past two weeks.

My magical computer fixing powers shone more than once. For those who don’t know, I have this magical ability to make any computer magically start functioning the way it should by walking within 10 feet of it. It’s really bizarre, but it makes me look like I’m a god among techies.

I was burgled! Some hoodlum(s) “broke” into my car Tuesday night. I put broke in quotes because they didn’t really break in, but rather walked into my open garage and opened the unlocked door to my car and stole my laptop case (along with a few more expensive items in the case:). The good new is: insurance is covering it so it’ll only cost me the deductible. $500 penalty for being an idiot. GO ME!

Lastly, today is my birthday! Exactly 24 years, 7 hours, and 15 minutes ago I was born. Tonight’s festivities include Champion House for dinner (yum), A2 Comedy Club (haha), then we hit the bar (hiccup), followed by my house for some drunken Wii. Good times!

Today, I would like to bring to light something that infuriates me. The following Sure deodorant advertisement significantly reduces my faith in humanity.

What the hell has the world come to for a large company to expect people to respond to this shit?

First, and certainly the lesser offender on this ad, there is absolutely no creativity in it whatsoever. This is close to the dullest ad I’ve ever seen on the webs. I think the only things that would make this worse are flashing and sound, but at least in those cases it catches the customer’s eye. My cat has drawn more interesting things in MS Paint by accident. “Hey guys I’ve invented two new colors: ‘blah’ and ‘light blah’! We can use them in a gradient in our new advertisement. And I’m working on another color we can use for the button part of the ad that does absolutely nothing. I’m calling it ‘meh’.”

Second, and by far the worse of the two, is the slogan. This makes me want to type profanities in capital letters until my fingers bleed. This is a family-safe site, however, so I won’t be doing that. This is absolutely atrocious. No capitalization, no punctuation, and only half the words aren’t spelled like a 13 year-old girl sending a text message to her ‘BFF’. The slogan itself doesn’t even make sense for a deodorant company! Seriously, Sure should have enough money to pay someone with an IQ greater than 80 to write their ads.

I think someone’s retarded cousin needs to be fired. Affirmative action be damned.