Jason’s babblings.

In the interest of making at least one post every month, I suppose I owe you guys (does anybody read this anymore?) a post for May. No, February 2009 doesn’t count. Stop checking my date thing. STOP IT!

Washing Process

So, um, laundry. I think you first put the water in until it stops filling, then you wait for… No, that’s not it. You put the clothes in first and layer a capful of detergent between each half-foot of clothes like a parfait. The detergent is a clearish blue liquid, I think. I’m not quite sure what it’s made of so I’ve been using blue Kool Aid mixed with honey; that’s been working pretty well for the most part. When the clothes parfait is built, you can start filling the barrel with water. When that’s done,  the washer goblins will come out and agitate the clothes by telling them inappropriate jokes and poking them with sticks. Don’t worry if the washer starts shaking violently, that means the goblins are playing capture the flag against the clothes, and that’s a good thing.

Drying Process

When the buzzer sounds on the washer, the final name-calling session has concluded and the clothes are ready to be thrown in the dryer. When you start the dryer, the clothes will tumble about gleefully in the warm air and hug each other tightly. Some people call this ’static cling’ but I call it ‘happy-tumble-time’. Clothes are mildly irritated by dryer sheets and will stop hugging if one is introduced in their happy-tumble-time. The warm air is pumped into the tumbler by the dryer goblins who stoke the furnace hidden beneath the dryer. They also keep track of time and periodically check the wetness depending on which setting you choose when you start the dryer.

A Note on Goblins

Contrary to popular belief, neither dryer goblins nor washer goblins eat socks nor use them as currency. If you’re missing one it’s likely still in the washer or dryer, or it’s fallen between the two as you were carrying them from one to the other. One last note: Make sure to do the washing process before the drying process. It’s not fun going to work in wet, agitated clothes.